Planter's Wife Perspecitve

Phil is going to a church planters meeting next week where they are going to talk about pastors' wives and what they struggle with most. He asked me to write down some of my thoughts from our experience thus far so that he will be prepared to participate in the discussion. I thought it would be nice to post my thoughts here on my blog as well!


Things that make my life different than the average woman on my block: (these are just observations....not necessarily complaints or struggles)
1. My husband works weird hours.
2. Many of my friends think my husband really doesn't work at all except on Sundays.
3. My house often has extra people at all hours of the day and night. I have to get rid of all notions that my house should be tidy for guests!
4. Having company for dinner is not a big event- it just happens without a big fanfare. Often!
5. My immediate family is not around.
6. For other ladies, their kids are the center of their world. All energies go into their kids. In a church planters' family, those energies are divided differently.
7. I am uniquely tied into my husband's work while they send their husbands off in the morning and have no part in his work. Seems like that would be a bit boring and hard on a marriage to have such a separation.
8. Our kids are part of my husband's work. What other family on the block has that dynamic going???

Good things:
1. My kids love having people over. They love knowing all sorts of people and having their world expanded beyond the confines of school.
2. I get to have lots of friends. A variety of friends. On the other hand, I have to have lots of friends and I can't discriminate like other ladies on who I like and who I don't like. I kind of have to like or extend myself for just about anyone regardless of whether I like them or not. :) (I generally like people tho unless they are extra needy- those people are really hard for me)
3. My husband has a flexible schedule and can help me.
4. My husband is forced to invest in our marriage. His livelihood depends on it. (not sure if that is a good way to put it, but...)
5. Working on a "project" together strengthens our relationship.
6. Our home/lifestyle is centered on something that is a bit risky (church planting) so we are "forced" to live by faith in a unique way...stimulating growth and maturity. I might not do that on my own if we were living a "normal" life.
7. I get to hear bits of the sermon all week long.
8. I have a say-so in church matters!
9. We get to be a part of people's stories! We get to hear what is going on in their lives and be used by God to help them grow. How exciting is that? To be a tool in God's hand is pretty darn exciting!!!
10. I have to listen well to the sermons because I have to give my husband feedback.

Struggles:
See all of the above because things that are good also have a bad side!
1. I am not near my extended family so I don't have the help that other people do...but then again, I dont have to deal with some of the headaches/drama that come with extended family.
2. It takes work to get "fed" spiritually and I often don't have the energy to do that work.
3. I am increasingly aware that people can see it on my face when I am stressed. Ex. Elena is acutely aware when I am flustered. Another one- Seth commented once when I was sitting down how odd it was to see me do that.
4. I feel like I am stretched really thin lately.
5. My house, to me seems like it is a mess because there is always something going on. I sometimes feel jealous of other women whose houses are so neat and tidy and under control.
6. Money is tight.
I keep trying to think of struggles...but sort of see the struggles as good things as well- so, it is a hard list to make.