A Week-end at St. Joe's

I wrote this back in July after an "emergency" trip to Tucson to be with my folks as my mom was having surgery. It ends abruptly in part because I wrote it on the plane trip home. The effort to capture my thoughts on paper was totally exhausting to me emotionally and physically at the time.


***

How many times are we going to get the teary phone call from my dad saying that some new thing has come up with my mom’s cancer?

The roller coaster continues. I would say the cancer roller coaster is worse than any amusement park roller coaster. My stomach falls harder, slower, the rush of dread sweeps over me as we careen down the cancer mountain. We are all in the cars: family members, friends, medical staff.  Dips and valleys, then steady flat places, then another sudden dip.

Unlike at the amusement park, there is no platform at the end with the sense of relief and accomplishment, the giddy laughter, and dare to do it again. My mother is at the front of the roller coaster, getting the full brunt of the ride with my dad faithfully next to her. The rest of us just follow along after her, pulled forward,  straining our necks to see if there is an end in sight.

This past weekend was no different. On Wednesday, we began to get the full picture of what was going on with my mom’s neck pain. Another tumor had grown. So fast had it progressed, that just 6 weeks ago, it couldn’t even be detected on the most state of the art medical technology.

The tumor had grown on her spine, wrapping itself tenaciously to her arteries and spinal cord, eroding bone and threatening to leave her paralyzed from the neck down. Her pain was steadily increasing while the use of her right arm was steadily decreasing. The doctors said we had to act now or what my mother feared most would happen in the next few weeks.

It didn’t take much for Phil and I to decide that I needed to make the trip to be with them. I cried myself to sleep that night waking up to find my used Kleenex scattered next to me on the bed. Somehow I felt better as we clicked “purchase flight” and I started packing.

I arrived too late to see her before surgery, but in time to sit with my dad in the now-to-familiar surgery waiting room. Aunt Linda and a few other friends came to sit with him as we waited. He seemed a bit scattered and not as “put together” as usual. I am finding that I have to look for subtle signs to detect his emotional status. Forgetfulness and fidgeting are really the only signs of distress. The untrained eye might not notice and think that he is the most stoic person alive.

 
***


As I said, it ends abruptly. But maybe abrupt isn't bad. Maybe my "raw emotions" and real-time struggles will inspire you in your own circumstance that is confusing or hard.

Though it doesn't make it any easier, I am learning to trust God's unfolding story in this situation.

A Break Up with Self

This church planting journey often reminds me of a messy "break up."  I've noticed that I and others in our circle have intense relationships with our opinions about church and what makes us feel like a "good" Christian.

I remember breaking up with my old boyfriend in high school. It took me way too long to realize that I needed to do the deed.

I didn't see how I was keeping myself from enjoying my years in high school or taking opportunities to grow. I just went along with what was comfortable, felt secure, made me feel important, and boosted my ego.

When I finally saw that the relationship was actually hurting me, it was almost too late.  I finally made the break, struggling for months to truly give up the habit.

At the time, I felt like I was giving up everything that made my life exciting. Obviously, God has provided me with something far greater than what I had. I now have an amazing husband and six wonderful children!

The same thing happened again recently in a different sense. My exercise routine only included running. After two years of running, I loved it. It felt so good. I was going longer distances, was a little faster and the high afterward would last me several hours. But I was actually gaining weight instead of loosing it!

One day Phil suggested I change my routine. I was pretty mad at him and accused him of robbing me of one of the greatest pleasures of my day. I was so proud of my accomplishments.

But, one article he and I read together suggested that a person might need to "break up" (their term not mine) with their work out in order to make progress with fitness. I was afraid to back off on running and do something else.

Hats off to Phil who had to deal with my anger and was persistent despite my protests! He was right.  I changed my routine and have seen great results. I am just as happy if not happier and more satisfied.

Church planting has been the same sort of experience. We tend to balk at the notion of change, of giving up what we hold dear and in order to do something different. After years of "doing church," we tend to think we have all the answers, can simply continue with the way things have always been done, and out will pop a vibrant Christian community. When presented with new ideas and suggestions about how to live a Christ-like life, we cringe, argue, and call on all our past experience in defense of keeping the status quo.

Perhaps if we took the suggestions, we might "break up" with ourselves, and try something new. The results may include a greater understanding of how we have offended God and a stronger sense of Jesus love and care, or  a stronger sense of community. We might actually experience the joy of seeing someone else come into a relationship with God.

What are your habits, routines, and opinions that could use a good "break up" in order for you to reach new heights of life, love, and grace in your relationship with God and others? I see all of us in our launch team wrestling with that question. I can't wait to see the results!

Our first preview service!

It seems like it took several years to lead up to the big day- the first preview service for Mercy Hill Presbyterian Church. We have been praying, moving, talking about, laboring for, and anticipating this event for so long and finally it all came together.

The service was beautiful and simple. We kept things simple so there were less things to mess up!! Phil and Scott picked a venue that was accessible, modern, and had good acoustics. Our friend Keith came all the way from PA to help with the music. Shelly did an awesome job preparing the nursery. Best of all... we had 64 people in attendance. Neighbors and friends came to be a part of the first ever service of a new church.

Phil preached a great sermon on the many misconceptions that we have about Jesus and presented to us the true Jesus as the Scriptures tell about Him.

I think for some of us on the launch team, the reason for the service was just to have something tangible to see and experience. It is easier for us to tell our friends about our new church if we have actually seen it! Up until now, we have had to practice Hebrews 11:1... "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

Though we finally had an "event," we were reminded that the church itself is more than an event. It is people living together as the church in their communities sharing Christ's love in their homes and with their neighbors. It is the people of God noticing and understanding the needs of the world around them and interjecting the Gospel truth that Christ died for sinners and rose again so that we might have a face to face relationship with the living God who loves us.

The hard work is still ahead of us, but we were greatly encouraged by how things went. There are so many folks out there that are hurting, wondering, and questioning. I can't wait to hear their stories and share with them the great story of redemption through faith in Jesus.

Hungry Souls

Here is another one that I wrote last summer. Now, more than ever in our very fast passed weeks, it seems that I need to listen to it!

Stasi came down this morning, hungry as usual, and asked her usual question: "What's for 'breakfast, Mama?" Then she asked me if I had any of "that" cereal. "What cereal, Stasi?" I asked. "You know, that Michael Jax cereal! Do we still have any?" I had to laugh, because we had been enjoying a box of Apple Jacks cereal several weeks ago as we encounter all the media hype about Michael Jackson. A three year old seems to mix important events together, I guess!

I have noticed lately, as I work in a small kitchen feeding 8 people 3 times a day not including snacks, that meal preparation and meal time keeps coming and coming and coming again! All 8 of us get hungry! The hunger pangs hit and SOME of us get particularly grumpy- sure signs that we need to do some eating!  Some of us, being more active and wiggly than others, seem to need food more often. We almost never skip, because we enjoy good food (NJ has some amazing food opportunities), but also because our bodies tell us that we need it.

We have been talking lately with the older kids about how easy and natural it is to take care of our physical needs like eating, but also bathing, brushing our teeth, and sleeping. Our bodies tell us loud and clear what we need, but our soul often doesn't give us physical reminders of its need. Our soul doesn't ever feel gritty like our teeth do. Our soul doesn't stink like our bodies do at the end of the day. Nor does our soul grumble and rumble like our bellies do when it's time to eat. But our soul needs to be fed and cared for just like our bodies do.

There are consequences for not taking care of our bodies. Siblings holler and complain if we  come in the room all stinky. We won't have the energy we need to run and play (or do all endless chores Mama makes everyone do) without food. And I for one am terribly grumpy without plenty of sleep. If we get too hungry, we reach for junk food because it is convenient. This cheats our body of what it really needs though.

In the same way, if we don't take care of our soul on a regular basis, it is going to suffer.  What are the signs of a "suffering soul?" Anger, lonilness, depression, anxiety, insecurity. When we aren't regularly feeding our soul with the things God provides, we may start looking for a quick fix to try to feel good again or be happy. Sometimes those quick fixes are relatively harmless (chocolate often does the trick for me), but other times, the choices that we make when our soul has been neglected can show our desperation. Overeating, nurturing romantic fantasies (or making those fantasies reality), masking our pain with drugs or too much alcohol are just a few choices made in hopes of finding some soul fulfillment. Some even resort to cutting themselves, plucking out their hair, or throwing up any food they eat- all in an effort to gain control, to try, in some twisted way, to feel good.

God has generoulsy given us lots of ways to nourish our souls, and He instructs us to take every opportunity to take Him up on these provisions.

Packed Wine Glasses

I wrote this back in July of 2009 and never posted it. I thought I would put it up there now, because it is still relevant.

Phil, always gifted at coming up with witty analogies,  rightly described our situation the other day. He said the two of us are like wine glasses packed in a box. Up until 6 weeks ago, we were neatly packed in the box with lots of paper, very protected from being broken. But now, having left our home, fairly regular routines, and a wonderful support network of friends and family, we are like wine glasses in a box without all the protective padding. All the decisions and pressures of moving, buying a house, and helping the kids get settled in,  are like heavy boxes being stacked on our wine glass box! AHHH! We might just break into a million pieces! Maybe that is why he and I feel particularly edgy and likely to fall back into bad habits these days.

I now know how vulnerable missionaries become when they get out on the field and how essential it is that they are grounded in Christ and are working together as a couple. There is no more "padding" of familiarity and routine once they are finally where they are called to be. Even the physical conveniences are often gone causing stress.

So Phil and I  are shoring up our "box" these days to make sure we don't break! That has included getting back to regular times with God in His Word, calling our close friends for prayer support and encouragement (and sometimes a kick in the pants), and Bible time and prayer with the kids, and making a point to express our feelings and needs to one another. In Tucson, God provided much "padding"  to help us be strong and to protect us. Those provisions  were needed and helpful and really taught us how to take care of ourselves. Now is the time to put those lessons into action!

God Space

I am reading a book called God Space by Doug Pollock. It is an excellent book  about encouraging spiritual conversations with our friends in a natural way.

Here is a quote from the end of chapter one that I wanted to share:
God Space is where...
...God is felt and encountered in tangible ways that address the longings and crieds of the heart.
...we come to the end of our own finite resources and experience infinite resources of God.
...the natural gives way to the supernatural.
...seeds of faith are planted, watered, and nurtured.
...gentleness and respect are present, judgment is absent, and divine dialogue flows naturally because trust has been established.
...the invisible principles of God's kingdom are made visible in ways people can see, touch, and feel.
...friends of sinners- in other words, our friends- dwell.
...the topic of God can be explored freely without agendas, biases, and personal convictions getting in the way.
...cynics, skeptics, scoffers, and spiritually curious people alike can raise their quesions, share their doubts, voice their concerns, and even vent their anger toward God and the church.
...the "unworthy" feel safe enough to bring their real selves out into the light, and to journey, one step at a time, toward the magnetic pull they sense deep in their souls.
...spiritual curiosity is aroused, and the message of Christianity becomes plausible.

Stomach Flu Week at the Henry's

Our house was attacked this week! Attacked by a very angry, very busy virus. Only Phil has yet to get sick.

The throwing up came on sudden and strong. It started with Stasi. I thought that was going to be it, but I got a call from the school nurse that Grace was not feeling well, but that she went ahead and put on the bus ride home. I got off the phone and immediately prayed that she wouldn't throw up on the bus. Sure enough, just before she was to get off, she "lost her cookies" all over the floor of the bus. After that, the nasty virus made it's way up the line.

Maggie was the next victim, then Lydia, then ME, then another call from the school nurse that Noah was under the weather. (We went and picked him up... we wouldn't want to bother the bus driver again!) Finally, Fitch had his turn with the bucket last night. I'm not just talking one or two episodes of hurling. This was more like 10-15 times per person!

I am so glad my kids know how to get it all in the bucket or the toilet!!! We are joking that we need to have t-shirts made: "I survived stomach flu week at the Henry's!"

Coffee Time!

Any ladies want to join me this Friday for coffee? We will be getting together at my house at 8:30a to share in some great coffee and then a discussion about how Jesus is relevant in our everyday lives.... kids, marriage, work, etc!

New Friends

We are busy making new friends everyday. As a mom, I think I have it easy. Our neighborhood is filled with moms that have been very friendly to me, there are moms' groups in our township, and numerous ways to get involved in the elementary school. I now have a group of moms that I go out with once a month for "book club." Oddly enough, there are no books involved, just lots of laughter and a few drinks that our husbands would be embarrassed to order! Most of the mom's refuse to head home until they are sure everyone at their house is safely tucked in bed. Makes for a very late night out!

Slowly, as I continue to build relationships with some of these ladies, I find that they have questions about God, and the conversations turn to spiritual things. I feel privileged to get to wrestle through these questions with them.  Being the "pastor's wife," in their minds I guess, qualifies me to be  the "go-to girl" for all things Bible related!

For the older kids, finding friends has not been as easy, but they have done a great job. They have the pleasure of learning the social maze of high school and middle school, and even, in Lydia's case dodging fist fights in art class! Tennis helped Lydia meet a great group of girls and running winter track has certainly broadened her horizons even more.

As we talk about their new friendships, we often come back to the idea of having "tell all" friends- those that we trust with our hearts- "fun" friends- those that we simply enjoy being around- and "ministry" friends- those that we really need to reach out to and help them feel like they belong. But most importantly, we remind them that because they are unconditionally accepted by Jesus, they can love others without the fear of being rejected. In other words, they ultimately don't need the approval of their peers because they already have the approval of Jesus. Hopefully, that knowledge will give them the ability to make wise decisions and be friends with lots of kids.